The absolute hardest thing for me to do is rely on other people. In this stage of life I’m in (being a student) it is almost expected that everyone is a flake at some capacity. The phrase, “let’s get lunch sometime!” becomes a new way to say goodbye and, “oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, I forgot I have so much homework tonight,” is the soundtrack to our weekdays. Don’t get me wrong, I’m 100% guilty of backing out of plans last minute so I can binge watch New Girl by myself–not even going to pretend that hasn’t happened before, but let’s get a little deeper into this.
When someone forgets about plans or cancels last minute, I can’t help but be frustrated. It was on the calendar, I was getting excited, and then it never happens. The amount of frustration I feel from this is absolutely a heart problem, a lack of grace, and it seems that my flesh always wins in these times.
The other day I was sitting in my mentor’s living room, Sesame Street playing in the background, talking about how frustrated I was that one of the girls that I mentor never wants to hang out, doesn’t get back to me etc. “It’s so frustrating that she doesn’t see how much I care and want to help her, I wish she wanted to hang out with me as much as I want to hang out with [my mentor].” She looked at me, let out a little laugh, “But that’s what you do to God every single day.” Immediately I was humbled. How could I, how dare I, be a flake to the one thing in my life that is never changing, steadfast, and unconditionally loving me? Every day God is just waiting for me to look up, to talk to him, to acknowledge all of the blessings He has given me, and time and time again I keep my eyes horizontal. I end each day patting myself on the back for everything I accomplished “all by myself,” because I am a strong, self-supporting independent woman who doesn’t need a Savior.
How FALSE is that, yet every single pair of eyes reading this probably just took a moment to look at themselves and found that they do the exact same thing. It’s a sin problem. We think we’ve got everything handled but the brutal reality is that we screw up everything we touch. We worship a jealous God who desires more than anything for us to see how much He delights in us coming to Him for comfort, companionship and praise. We ought to depend on God as a new born baby depends on her mother. Her wellspring of life is her life giver and she clings to her. She cries when she isn’t around and she is fully satisfied by her mother’s presence. I wish that I saw The Lord in that way, how different would my life look? How different would our lives look if they were marked by consistently going to our Life Giver for our every need, in our every trial.
He is the Shepard, and we are the lambs. May we remember each and every day that we need God more than we need anything else. He isn’t a flake, He is ever reliable. He is steadfast.
Jeremiah 33:3–Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.
John 15:4–Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.
Psalm 100:3–Know that the Lord Himself is God; It is He who made us, and we are his; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.